This isnβt Another Transformation Challenge...
The Push Pull Health 30 Days to Sample the Goods Online Programme (working title) isn't a Facebook group where we all clap because you drank more water or hand you a certificate because you ate a piece of broccoli without gagging.
It's affordable Online Coaching that covers all bases of your health.
One that finally stops the cycle of you trying to overhaul your life every Monday.
Where you won't be shouted at by a protein bar on legs, telling you all your diet and exercise problems can be solved by simply "moving more and eating less" π
Workouts tailored to you, building strength, stamina, and toning up, ensuring you maximise every session.
We check in with you weekly about your training and nutrition to ensure you're progressing
Calorie targets, simple meal ideas, and wothwhile education to keep you on track
When you have a coach watching your progress, you are far less likely to quit.
Join members on a similar journey. Share wins, losses, get motivation, and never feel alone.
Don't suffer in silence. Message the team (me) with any exercise or calorie questions.
Everything can be tweaked, adjusted, or swappedβwhether youβve got dodgy knees, fake hips, a frozen shoulder, or the current strength of a wet digestive. I've recorded a quick video for each exercise, highlighting the three dos and don'ts of each movement so you don't end up in a heap on the floor.
Example Programmes include:
πͺMilf Maker (Mums I Like to get Fitter)
ποΈShopping Bag Destroyer (Increased Strength)
πFriends Reunited (Strip the Dad Bod to relocate your member)
AND
πPG Kamsutra (Improve Mobility/Flexibility for all occasions)
Rather than give you a rigid meal plan that doesn't survive first-life contact, I'll show you how to run your own diet so you don't feel like you've failed every time you have an unplanned bag of Maltesers or bottle of wine...
We'll calculate your calories and macros (protein, carbs, fats, & alcohol π±) based on your goals (losing weight, toning up, building muscle) to ensure you finally achieve long-lasting results.
To ease you in, I'll provide example meal plans, shopping list recommendations, and guides for eating out (steady) and low-calorie alcohol swaps (if you care)
The point of all this is to equip you with the tools, knowledge and, more importantly, the confidence, to maintain a realistic, sustainable diet in preparation for when we are sick to death of each other!
Like a proud father on your first day of school, I'll wave you off, overjoyed in the knowledge that you and your health can now stand on their own two feetπ’π
π€’ No eating after 6 pm
π€’ Counting Points & Syns
π€’ Detox teas
π€’ Prepackaged meals that taste like Nan's farts
Let me guess...
They all failed.
Or worked temporarilyβuntil life reared its ugly head.
We do diets differently.
You get a nutrition plan built around your actual life, not a fantasy version of yourself that starts meal-prepping quinoa at 5 am with a smug grin on your face!
General
Vegetarian
Vegan
Dairy Free
Gluten Free
And More !
π€¬ 119 menopausal women who have no energy and hate everyone (same)
AND...
It just so happens that today is the last day to register!
π Early Bird Offer (I'm not worth it)
β° Final call! (I'm getting desperate)
π£ This will sell out! (it won't)
β³ Once itβs gone, itβs gone! (until next week)
π No one loves you, buy now! (fair enough)
Translation: I donβt have many clients, and these are the overused marketing tactics to create urgency and the belief that Iβm in demand.
Here at Push Pull Health, I pride myself on not letting you settle for paying through the nose for rubbish standards.
Nothing shouts PT more than the "serial killer grin, awkward folding of the arms, I'm in charge but also fun to be around kind of look".
The time I did a photoshoot.
I just forgot to starve myself.
I think the fake tattoo and streaky tan really bring out my eyes.
Stop speaking in riddles and tell me exactly WTF I get.
Woooooaaa, fucking taking it easy. I'm getting to it!
Potty Mouth.
Ideal for anyone who needs a firm slap across the cheeks and the
best possible chance of stomaching this for the long term
(The use of 69 is 1. To save you a whopping 31p. And 2. Because I'm a child.
Feel free to WhatsApp me your funniest fitness meme, and I can answer any questions before you commit to your life-changing results.
ππ
If none of the features of joining Team Rotter made any sense, let me lay out the benefits...
Start for You, Continue for the Community
This is where you realise you're not the only one whoβs jacked it in 69 (hehe) times before.
Everyone has that same voice in their head: βI'll start Monday again, but this time it will be different...β
This time, it will be.
When youβre starting, itβs all about you, and so it should be.
However, the community is where you can begin to relate.
When the urge to give up again rears its ugly head, and you're tempted to add this experience to the growing pile of previous failed attempts, the community will have your back.
Youβll see and speak to me more than Fiona (leprechaun, swears a lot) and Donald (the cun*t), sorry, cat does.
Translation:
A routine that factors in the grim realities of waking up most days not wanting to exercise but wanting to eat everything in sight.
Translation:
Carry all the shopping in one go and stop wasting energy on NOT being yourself.
Translation:
Become a less stressed and better version of yourself so you can start turning up more for your kids, family and friends.
Translation:
Mastering daily-ish habits. Its continuing to turn up on your 'bad days' that count. Finding your laughables.
Group calls that break up the monotony of lifeβs daily rotβwhile leaving you empowered, energised, and feeling a little less π© about doing it all again next week.
Once a week, you get the chance to offload everything that threatens to veer you off course, such as:
πDealing with the kids being shits. (again)
πWork and adult responsibilities continue to drain the last bit of energy you had to exercise and eat healthier
πThe mother-in-law sticking her ugly beak in (again)
πNearly smashing the fuck-it button 69 times. (And it's only 9.01 am on Monday)
All while dodging charlatans trying to flog you their hormone-balancing detox toning butt plug.
The Weekly Whinges can't replace actual therapy, but I promise they will be bloody cathartic!
Designed to stop your health habits from turning into yet another thing quietly ruining your week and making you feel like a failure.
β No weekly performance reviews like you've taken on a second, even shitter job
β No motivational βyouβve got thisβ inspo-porn to help see you through another week
β No pretending everythingβs fine when your fridge is whispering sweet nothings in your ear at 11 pm
Just blunt, practical support that cuts through the noise and makes you feel slightly more seen.
These arenβt just calls to escape toβtheyβre where you finally start making sense of it all.
π€© Nuggets of wisdom.
π€―Aha moments.
πͺActionable takeaways.
And a constant stream of perspective thatβll stay with you long after youβve given me the π, and built up the confidence to do this π© by yourself.
Have you ever found yourself halfway through a plan, googling βwhy do I always fuck this upβ?
Good.
Unlocked after your first 30 days of educational content, and to build on our Weekly Whinges, the On-Demand Video Library will delve deeper to help fill in the gaps.
Finding a form of Exercise you can Stomach and a Diet you can stick to for longer than 10 minutes doesn't mean striving for perfection. Itβs about being more consistent (daily-ish) with healthier, meaningful habits, even when you CBA 90% of the time!
This isnβt motivational fluff or βwellnessβ lectures, itβs real education on how your brain, body, and habits actually work.
No fancy graphs or wacky Canva presentations, just the stuff you need to know!
Content designed to be consumed on the sofa, your commute, in bed or whilst taking a dump!
Menopause: How it screws with your energy, appetite, sleep, and sanity and strategies that actually help
Sleep: Practical fixes that donβt involve a 5-hour wind-down routine and 12 hours in bed
Mindful Eating: What it actually looks like without chewing slowly in a yoga pose or lighting a fart scented candle
Body Confidence: Without the toxic positivity or self-love bullshit
Food Noise: How to curb cravings, and gain more control and clarity with disordered eating and binges
Discipline vs Motivation: Why relying on motivation guarantees youβll quit when you have a couple of bad days
Snacking: How to start inhaling more from pleasure, not boredom
Exercise Jargon: So you donβt feel like an idiot when you're in the gym
GLP-1 Weight Loss Drugs: Adding in daily movement, protein, fibre, and maximising your chances of losing fat and gaining lean muscle, and ongoing support if you decide to come off your medication
Β© 2025 All Rights Reserved